Belonging

The weather is beginning to get cold. The sky darkens earlier as drizzles occurs a few times a day.

As I promised, UNSW main walkway at night. As I have stated repeatedly, it is beautiful and my photos do not justify it. I could not take a photo absent of the flash function without shaking my hands. These photos are the humiliating result. lol

somehow, it looks alien like green in the picture.

In which I personally assure you is not the case in real life.

for some reason, it turned yellow. It does that unexpectedly sometimes. Once, (according the Khar Mun), the lights were baby pink in tribute and support for the breast cancer society. He said it was beautiful. In my mind's eye I think it is.

Family and friends back in Malaysia may want to know that I am doing well in Australia. I have adjusted to the environment. I know my way around ginormous UNSW, which is a feat in itself (especially for me). I know how to take buses, although only a limited few. I have seen some places that trademarks Australia. I know the right place to shop for food and groceries. Where is the freshest and cheapest meat. I know how to cook...

If those are the aspects where you feel concern for me, you can rest on your back now. No worries in that department. I never really was the person to pay attention nor place importance on these things. From Marketing , I learned a concept (which is really psychology) introduced by Abraham Maslow that humans have different needs, and we unconsciously arrange these needs into a hierarchy. Going into more detail, humans would seek for things to fulfill their physiological needs first, such as food, water, a home etc. When we do satisfy that need, we move on to the higher level of the hierarchy- safety. Next would be belonging, then self esteem and then self actualization. If I follow this theory and relate it to my life, I have satisfied both physiological and safety needs, as I have no concern for them (at least most of the time, to the despair of caring family members, friends and boyfriend). I do have a very strong need for belonging somewhere. I doubt that buying products can satisfy this need, except maybe staying connected through skype, facebook, msn and other medium (a far cry from what I want right now).

For me, the a sense of belonging equates with knowing that someone has your back, and most importantly, that you hold a place in their hearts. I realised now I have said goodbye to a healthy portion of that since I left Malaysia, and the need to belong somewhere has intensified because of this.

Now I wonder how I have done it all these years- Making friends. Not just passing friends whom you forget their names after a while, because those aren't satisfying enough. I mean friends forever type. Our second family. People you feel wholly comfortable with, where there is no need to impress nor feel self conscious with. Where you know they care for you as you do them. Where you know (or at least believe) they are loyal enough to not gossip maliciously about you behind your back, and in fact speak to defend you. Once you lose these people, suddenly you realise you have taken them for granted. Family and friends are actually hard to come by. I wont talk about 'making' family because you are born with it, although the real tie comes with spending time together. But, good friends are so hard to come by. Two literal strangers, meeting up. To be friends in the future, there must be chemistry, a 'click.' That immediate feeling this person is right. This is further tested by the odds and obstacles of the world. You must be able to meet frequently enough at this stage for the connection to stick. There must be the right environment, topics and events. This must happen for both parties. WHAT ARE THE ODDS?! If I look back, it sounds like the factors of finding the soul mate. GEEEZ. So many stages to overcome, and I look back and wonder how I managed to do this in my primary, secondary and amazingly my short time in college.

Making friends is a tedious thing, and now I also wonder why I was (or ever) excited about it before. Why was I excited to start all over again, when I already had it? The idea of impressing people, constantly searching for people to click with, ransacking your head for topics to blot out uncomfortable silences, smiling when you don't sincerely feel like it sounds like a lie right now.

the sense of belonging is a growing desire within me. Sure, I make friends (passing friends like mentioned). I find myself unconsciously observing people, any group that seems so happy together and feel deep down, I am envious. Oh sure, the people I meet now are nice. But, I want more. I want a bondage. Not just one, but a pool of people (i know I sound greedy but I am sure most people do too. Maybe its just because I had it all my life). Without it, I am just plain lonely.

sitting on the green green grass

UNSW students getting cozy on the soft lush grass

UNSW has such large portions nice fluffy green grass. It is very well maintained. I testify to having seen sprinkler systems that specially water the grass.

You know in pamplets of many universities, they have pictures of students sitting and lazing around in the green green grass?

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Here in UNSW, most students take advantage of the soft grass (especially the ang mohs). The sun warming the backs of students reading, sleeping, chatting, eating, snuggling/snogging (for couples) in the green green grass. It looks really comfortable, and somewhat an attractive thing to do - lying on the green grass, close to nature.

I always wanted to try it. I always stared at people on the grass, observing what they are doing. But, I just never got around to it.

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So, one day...

I was determined to try it. I walked to a quiet comfortable spot, and sat down. It was funny because I was sitting on the grass, reading and playing with my iphone just for the sake of doing something on the grass. After half an hour, I had to get to a lecture. So I got up. My butt was a little damp, it was not a very hot day that day. I looked down at where I sat, and my heart dropped when I saw this:

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The largest earthworm I ever saw in my whole entire life. When it slithered and moved, I almost threw up.

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I think I will stick to looking at people enjoy the grass from afar....

p/s, I hate blogspot. So not user friendly. And they tend to change my layout alot after posting. Grrrrr

fine white sands of Bondi Beach

Magnificent view ain't it?

The price of such scenic views of the Bondi Beach for your house is at least $1 million. *faints*

oooo lala~

My ugly photos [not the fault of camera but my pathetic skills] really understates the breathtaking view.

On my defense, I was walking while taking the photos. Guys (excluding big bro and other male expert photographers) don't have the patience even to wait for me to take photos... haiz

(under my stubborn insistence, we managed to take a few photos)

me and khar mun

Tin (Hongkie, currently studying at University of Sydney, and majoring in Aerospace engineering and commerce) and Khar Mun

We took separate photos, as we could not catch some stranger to take a group one for us.

I know it is a long overdue post. In fact, the Bondi trip was slightly more than a week ago. I just never got around to blog about it.

Bondi has lived up to its famous Australian Beach reputation. I was a little put out in the beginning of this year, when my big bro who visited Bondi before said that it was no different and not more impressive than Malaysian beaches.

I don't know what was he thinking. The fine sand was so fine, it will fall through a sieve easily. It was so nice and comforting to just walk in it. Its like, instead of CRUNCH CRUNCH, it was like swish swish... If you get what I mean. lol

I have been to Coogee beach (first beach I visited in Aussie), and was not so impressed, so I was not expecting much from Bondi. The only interesting thing I noted in Cogoee beach was that people really do sunbath topless there. And excuse me, but I could not help noticing that the girls who sunbath topless happen to have pretty hot, if not good figures. It is a wonder to me why the beach is not a tourist attraction for the perverted. People here are so respectable, it is astounding.

What Coogee was lacking was the surfer dudes I was expecting. It was all in in Bondi, thanks to the humongous powerful waves present there. I know it looks tiny here, but up close, that wave is much taller than tiny ol' me. The waves were so powerful, it sent me rolling 2 metres back. Khar Mun could not save me in time, and ended up laughing at the sight of me churning in the sea.

-.- heartless.

So, instead of spraying water at each other and building childish white sand castles as we usually do at the Malaysian beaches. Bondi beach offered a new activity to do - jumping waves. Don't underestimate this activity, it is not for the weak, and the extremely light (Brenda would not have stand a chance at this, if I was pushed back 2 metres by the waves, I reckon Brenda will be flying 6 metres back). It may be fun at first, but it is very tiring. The guys were up to the challenge, and they went deeper and deeper into the sea for stronger waves. Khar Mun stood his ground most of the time, him being presumably the strongest and also heaviest. Tin could jump very high and avoid most of the impact. Me, I was short, light and don't jump comparatively higher. So obviously I was POORLY built for wave jumping. Being washed away by the waves 4 out of 5 waves got tiring, and the water was sooooooo COLD.

Before long, I had to surrender to the shores. And even that was bad, because being out of the water was too cold to withstand, with strong winds billowing at my sea water drenched body. So I was in a dilemma, it was either face the waves or the cold. I found myself sitting in the shore for 2 minutes and then running into the water for another 2, then coming out again. Pah...i was in a pitiful state really. I think we all only stayed in the water for only an hour, as we came to the beach late (after the sun has set, so the beach was cold). I was thankful to leave the water by then, as I was already shivering and numb with cold. My feet were so cold, I could not even feel the sands rubbing at my feet anymore. I literally felt NOTHING.

On the way to the toilet, all I was thinking was a nice hot shower to warm myself. To my utter dismay and disbelief, I discovered there was no hot water option in the showers!!!! I almost cried. I realised another thing, there was no doors covering the shower stands as well. I walked around the toilet twice to make sure, but there wasn't any showers with a door. There were no other people showering then for some reason. So I did not know whether I was supposed to shower naked or with my swimsuit on. I imagined that if I showered naked, and actually Australians don't do that, I will look very stupid and it will be infinitely embarrassing. So, I opted showering in a swimsuit.

I wouldn't count it as showering actually, as my tolerance for cold was very very low then, I was running in and out of the shower stall every 2 seconds. I am telling the truth. In the end, I gave up, I would rather be sticky with salt water than die of cold.

our only group photo. I was wearing Khar Mun's extra shirt, with mine, because it was still too cold.

I know it seemed that the trip was disastrous, but it was still really really fun nonetheless. I would recommend being blasted by waves to anyone daring. I will make sure I will be going in a hot afternoon in the future though.

Rant

totally screwed my QMA test.

all because I made a silly mistake.

I feel so STOOOPID.

k, rant over. Anyone wants to hear me rant more, or offer words of comfort, pls do.

I doubt it though. :(

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UPDATE: I got FULL MARKS!!!! ngiahahahaha. happy sia~

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I am no photographer. But, today I was passing by the main walkway of my Uni and suddenly remembered I have my camera. So I randomly snapped a few photos as an initiative to update my blog. I will take snapshots of Uni once in a while, as it is big and I cant be bothered to walk for hours just to take pictures of the whole place.

probably my favourite part of Uni, it is much more beautiful in a drizzling night. That is when the whole row of lights come up, and gets reflected on the wet shiny pathway.

the very cool law building (thought you cant see much of it thanks to the trees)

It looks the achitectect was on crack when he designed this. Alot of angles and clashing colours that oddly enough goes really well together. Dont know why LAW gets the cool bulding. The theatre is the coolest. I have 2 lectures there, which I am very happy with. lol.

Australian School of Business (ASB) has a really big, nice new one as well, but it is more CHIC, as it is pretty much sheer white and silver. Will take pictures of ASB in the future.

note: my lousy phototaking skills has understated the spectacular sights UNSW achitectural buildings provide. I am sorry for that. lol

It is easily forgettable that my Uni is beautiful now. As I pass it everyday.

I remember there was a story, where a boyfriend (an artist), painted a large christman tree on the wall of his house to celebrate the season with his girlfriend who had recently moved in with him. She was exclaiming how pretty it was. They were very happily in love, everything was blissfully new and fresh. After many years, their relationship dulled, and along with it, the christman tree that faded into the background. In reality, the painting has still nothing less of a beautiful sight. But, only when a friend dropped by thier house, and praised how lovely it was, did they remember that their christmas tree is beautiful. Beauty really is in the eyes of the beholder. They do not see it in the new light anymore. They forgot it was beautiful.

Sometimes, we must teach ourselves to appreciate the beauty in life, so that we can remind ourselves the reasons why we should be happy. We should walk by the things we pass by everyday, the daily activities we do, and the people we meet everyday, and remind ourselves that was what made us happy before. I think, that cures our innate human nature of constantly craving for more.